Love in a care home: ‘It’s never too late’

Moving into a care home can be a daunting experience, especially for couples as it may be the first time they have ever been apart. The change and separation at this late stage in life can be extremely tough on both partners.

Growing number of care homes offering rooms for couples

Some life partners decide to move into a care home together and stay in a couple room. An increasing number of care homes are now offering couple rooms, with 24 per cent of care homes in the UK providing rooms for couples, according to figures from the leading care home review site carehome.co.uk.

Other couples take the hard decision for one to remain at home while the other receives the care they need. They are still able to maintain a happy relationship through regular visits. They may even find their relationship takes on a different meaning once the burden of caring for their partner has gone as care home staff then take on this role. For those, the separation or even an illness, can spur an unmarried couple into marrying.

Some people are single or widowed and going into a care home can be as much for company as for care. There have even been cases where they enter the care home single and end up finding a kindred soul in a care home and falling in love and marrying ‘the one’.

Couple met and got married in a care home

Marion and Stuart Potter are one such couple. Both in their eighties they found love and got married at Cote Lane retirement village, St Monica Trust, saying “we both assumed we would be alone for the rest of our lives”.

Marion first met Stuart Potter back in 1975 when Marion sang in Stuart’s band. In the passing years, Stuart married twice, had children and was widowed twice and Marion had married, had a son and got divorced. However, it wasn’t until July 2017 when they were both single again that Stuart, encouraged by his son, decided to ring Marion and ask her if she would like to meet for a coffee.

Marion and Stuart: ‘We felt so much love for each other’

“I hadn’t seen him for years. I felt excitement and shock when he rang me but also apprehensive,” reveals Marion, who was living at Cote Lane retirement village, St Monica Trust. “But it was as though we had seen one another just the day before, it was more than friendship, the magic was still there.”

However she did have reservations about getting emotionally involved, saying: “I had looked after my mum for 40 years and when she died, it was very traumatic. She was my best friend. A few months later I had a heart attack and suffered from depression for two years. The doctors diagnosed ‘Broken Heart Syndrome’.

For Stuart, the realization that Marion was the one, was immediate. “Meeting Marion for coffee was the best decision I have made, we had long conversations and joked together and it made me feel so happy to be with each other, I lost no time following our meeting to get serious.

“Amazingly we felt so much love for each other in a short space of time and on a cruise ship at midnight in the Port of Madeira we became engaged and within six months we were married.”

Marion and Stuart married at The Holy Trinity Church in Westbury-on-Trym arriving together in style in a friend’s classic open top Morris Minor.

‘It was a day we thought would never happen for us’

“It was a wonderful day, the service was beautiful and the music was fantastic,” said Marion, adding: “It was the day that we had waited for, a day we thought would never happen for us.

The couple said they both love living at Cote Lane Retirement Village as “they look out for you and we feel like we are permanently on holiday”.

Marion said she believes the secret to a good relationship is: “You really have to trust one another and have respect for each other. It is about knowing how they are feeling by looking at them, it’s called unconditional love.

“We also talk a lot which is so important and sometimes we are still talking at 2 in the morning.

“We are so glad we have met each other, we don’t know how long we have got so we are making the most of it.”

Met and fell in love in a care home

Another couple that found love in a care home are Beryl Harman and Peter Ambler.

Beryl and Peter ‘gelled instantly’

When Beryl moved into the Gravesend care home run by Rapport Housing & Care, love was the last thing on her mind, but when fellow resident Peter Ambler moved in a few months later, they “gelled instantly”.

The pair, who are both widowed, felt an instant connection, and immediately struck up a friendship.

Ms Harman who is a former sequence dancer said: “It’s a big change moving into a care home, it was really daunting, so it has been lovely to find Peter.

“We just gelled instantly, and I think if you’re given a second chance to be happy you should take it.”

The care home revealed that the happy couple spend all of their “time together” holding hands in the lounge and are often seen enjoying a joke together, with the manager saying “it is never too late”.

Peter said: “Since being with this lady, I’ve been happy. We spend all of our time together and do enjoy a kiss and a cuddle!”

Married long-term partner in a care home

For Gerald Horgan, who once lived with Jimi Hendrix and managed Cat Stevens, the decision to get married was only made at the age of 80 after he had to leave his long-term partner Pauline and move into a care home.

On being asked how he wanted to celebrate his 80th birthday, Gerald told staff at Candlewood House Care Home in north London, he had only one wish and that was to marry Pauline.

‘I am a very happy man’

He thanked the care home for organising the wedding, saying: “I am a very happy man! I have always wanted to get married and to make my lifelong dream come true on my 80th birthday, well, I couldn’t think of a better way to celebrate. Thank you to the team at the home for everything!”

Gerald lived with Jimi Hendrix when he was very young and it was Jimi Hendrix who introduced him to Cat Stevens when he was 15 years old.

Gerald is still close friends with Cat Stevens, also known as Yusuf Islam, who he managed, with the musician even recently paying for his daughter to go to Australia. Mr Horgan called his friend a “very generous and lovely man”.

He added: “Cat Stevens and I are still close friends, we still see each other, and he comes to visit me at Candlewood House. He was very impressed with the home and compared it to many of the 5-star hotels he has been to in his life. We have shared plenty of memories together including going abroad and visiting multiple countries.”