Love in the time of dementia: Couple still express their love but struggle to remember each other

Husband Chris Warren, aged 72, and his wife Hilary Warren, 69, continue to demonstrate their love for each other - 50 years after marrying - despite being diagnosed with dementia.

The couple share a room at The Links care home in Poole, Dorset. Hilary Warren’s vascular dementia is so severe she rarely recognises her husband but that doesn't stop her holding his hand and spending all her time with him in what her son says is an “unwavering familiarity” with her soul mate.

Chris Warren has Alzheimer’s disease and struggles to hide his frustration at what is happening to him and his wife. Even though he is increasingly confused, Mr Warren also continues to seek out his wife and comfort her.

Soulmates

The couple’s son James Warren, aged 37, said: “If my wife and I have half the marriage they’ve got, we’ll be doing just fine. They still show that they’re in love with one another.

"My mum is very short and my dad holds onto her forearm because he’s too tall to reach her hand, which we find very funny.

“My parents did everything for my two sisters and me and put themselves second, they were a team. They should have been travelling, enjoying being grandparents, visiting family and friends. Instead, they are both in a care home.

”Only time he really smiles is when he’s with Mum”

“They’ve both gone downhill a lot in the past year. Trying to get a smile out of my dad these days is incredibly difficult, the only time he really smiles is when he’s with Mum. “But though there are funny moments, seeing them this way is absolutely heart-breaking. It’s hard not to talk about them in the past tense because they’ll never be the same people they were.

”Mum asks where my dad is”

“Mum constantly asks where my dad is, even if he’s standing next to her, and she won’t always recognise that that’s him. But there is a constant familiarity there, even if she doesn’t know it’s really him she’ll hold his hand and rest her head on his shoulder.

“They loved walking and would walk for miles and miles happily taking in where they were and enjoying the time together. We try to take them to the beach and other places where they can walk so they can still do that together.

The couple have been together since 1966, when he was 22 and she 19. They met when Hilary went to a post office where Chris Warren was working.

Hilary told Chris, who went on to work at Barclays bank, that he had short-changed her, but after protesting his innocence Chris decided to ask her out on a date to ‘diffuse’ the situation. His efforts soon won her over and the couple married in 1969.

For decades Mr Warren treasured the love letters he has written and received from his wife in the 1960s.

In 2007, Hilary fell down the stairs and had a brain aneurysm, which resulted in her developing vascular dementia. Afterwards, she would repeatedly go missing and was lost and confused. Not long after, in 2012, Chris was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. A year ago, Mr and Mrs Warren went into full-time care at The Links care home.

Their son James said: “When my mum speaks she doesn’t really make any sense. She never remembers what nice days we have had together.”

Love letters

Chris Warren recently, through frustration with his disease and what was happening to them, ripped up the love letters he and his wife had written to each other. They are now being carefully pieced back together by his three children .

After seeing the devastating effects of dementia on his parents, James Warren raised thousands of pounds for dementia research and is now a regional fundraising officer for the charity Alzheimer’s Research UK.

He has completed several runs to raise money for the charity in his parents' honour.

He said: “I want to raise as much awareness as I can for the great work that Alzheimer’s Research UK do. I long for the day no family has to know the word dementia.”

He says of his parents: “As time goes on they will have to have separate bedrooms and will forget who each other are altogether. This breaks my heart, but I know that somewhere inside them they’ll always remember their love for one another.”

To donate go to James Warren's fundraising page visit: http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/JWrunningagainstalzheimers.