Care home supports 83-year-old Michael to live as Michelle, who now feels 'beautiful, loved and free'

A care home has revealed how it helped support its 83-year-old resident Michael to start living as Michelle, helping them with their personal care, which included shaving their legs, getting their hair washed and styled, and making them feel ‘pretty’.

Michelle lives at Okeley Care Home in Essex, run by Excelcare, which strongly believes in supporting residents to live a happy life and having freedom of choice.

They moved into the care home back in 2018, arriving as Michael with just male-style clothing.

A spokesperson for the care home said: “There was no indication of Michelle being a part of his life. He was often quiet and enjoyed time to himself. He was encouraged to take part in activities with the other residents but would often decline and opt for an afternoon watching television.

“Michael didn’t welcome help with personal care – he liked having his hair shoulder length and declined assistance with shaving. When he was offered a hair wash and blow dry though, Michael would accept and have his hair styled into a ponytail.

“In November 2020, Michael was moved to a different suite at the home, where he would benefit from a change in schedule and more dedicated support. Within just one week, Michael showed more signs of being happier there; smiling and interacting with others more during mealtimes.”

In the new suite, care workers were supported by senior staff to ask some questions about Michelle.

“Michael’s face immediately lit up. He was excited that someone had remembered this important part of himself without judging his preferences.

“He then began to ‘tell all’. Michael expressed his desire to wear feminine clothes.

'Beautiful, loved and free'

"The team responded positively and said it is something they would completely support him to do, which made him quite emotional, as no one, aside from his partner, had ever acknowledged and supported this side of him before. As he left the room, he gave a sincere thank you to everyone present. He said he felt beautiful, loved and free.”

Care home staff helped Michelle to do some online shopping so they could purchase women’s clothes, shoes and jewellery.

“The joy and excitement in his face made the team feel young and it was delightful to see him looking so happy!

“Dressed in his new attire, Michelle walked around the home with confidence and ready to be a part of the community at Okeley.

"Michelle was beaming with joy and began accepting help with her personal care, which included shaving her legs, getting her hair washed and styled, and asking the team to make her feel ‘pretty’. The other people living at Okeley also support Michael and Michelle as part of their family, welcoming them to activities and social sessions. Above all else, we are proud that Michael can live in freedom, without judgement or prejudice – simply being who he wants to be with support from the people around him,” reveals the care home.

Staff at the care home describe Michelle as “quiet and shy but when relaxed, has a cheeky sense of humour and is softly spoken”.

Michelle has dated men and women but tended to keep their feminine side secret in their youth, as society was more repressive in the 1950s.

Michael felt 'isolated' after being diagnosed with schizophrenia

In 1972, they were referred to a doctor for advice, who diagnosed them with schizophrenia. The care home’s spokesperson said: "This is a diagnosis that Michael and the people around him still question to this day. Michael felt isolated after this diagnosis and was left to deal with his ‘confused thinking’ by himself. But in Michael’s head, he knew who he was, his likes and dislikes as both Michael and Michelle."

From 1980 to 2018, Michelle lived in a flat with their partner. The bedroom was set up to Michelle’s preferences, which included cuddly toys and soft colours, with the wardrobes predominantly filled with feminine clothes and perfumes.

“At Excelcare, we provide personalised and person-centred care to bring out the best in everyone we care for, and we strive to ensure they are fulfilled to live a happy life, with our support and care. We reinforce personal choice and ensure there are a wide variety of activities, events and one to one activities people can take part in, but more importantly, enabling and encouraging independence,” said the care home’s spokesperson.

click here for more details or to contact Okeley Care Home